The Birds And The Bees

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.


“I don’t want to know,” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.”


Confused, the father asked what was wrong.


The boy sobbed, “When I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech. At seven, I got the ‘There’s no Tooth Fairy’ speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the ‘There’s no Santa’ speech…”


”Sorry about that, but so what?” the father asked.


“…If you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really get laid, I’ll have nothing left to live for.

the duck

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" 
The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it." 
The duck says, "Okay," and leaves. 
The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves. 
Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?" 
The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves. 
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?" 
"No." 
"Got any duck feed?"

FUNNY STORIES

Mr.Knott is a teacher of a school in London. It's a long way to his school from his house so he is usually tired when he gets home. 
One day, he got home, was tired as uasual. He was in bed when someone called him. He went downstairs, picked up the phone and said,' Hello. Who's speaking. please?'
Watt.
What's your name, sir?
Watt's my name.
Yes, I asked you that. What's your name?
I told you. Watt's my name. Are you Jack Smith?
No, I'm Knott.
Will you give me your name, please?
Will Knott.
Both the men hanged up the phone angrily and thought "What a stupid, rude man."

new funny stories

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

new funny stories

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

new funny stories

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".

Q: Secret of long life
A: Morning two eggs, evening two pegs... and night two legs

new funny stories

The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.